


Why

by StoriesbyNessie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Drinking, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoriesbyNessie/pseuds/StoriesbyNessie
Summary: Maybe he didn’t try hard enough. Maybe he should think more about what he said.Or how he moved. Or something else.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Why

**Why**

_Why was it so hard to be normal?_

Maybe he didn’t try hard enough. Maybe he should think more about what he said. Or how he moved. Or something else.

But every time he tried, every time he decided that he would do better, that if he just thought about this or did that, everything would work itself out and people wouldn’t look at him so weirdly anymore. Or laugh. Whenever people laughed in his presence, Ron wasn’t sure what they laughed about. The joke he’d just told or… _him._

And speaking of jokes, _why_ did he have to open his goddamn mouth all the time? Why did he have to be so spontaneous and say all these weird things? Why couldn’t he just shut up? His mouth seemed to have its own life, along with all his different moods. It was so easy; emotions changed so effortlessly for him, easier than what they seemed to do for most people. And it was just so bloody typical, that he out of all people would get a curse like that.

_Always the odd one out._

Ron had tried to think more about what he said. It worked for a short amount of time, but then he relaxed and he would be spontaneous again. Say something stupid again. And he hated it, hated it so much. Why couldn’t he be like Harry, who was just so naturally likeable? Or Hermione, who was clever and knew everything. Even _she_ hadn’t been able to fix him, and if she couldn’t,nobody could.

He leant back in his chair. His body ached from how tired he was and how heavy it felt with the guilt, shame and _failure_ crawling under the skin. Outside the sky was dark and cloudless - he could see white stars through the window from his seat, gazing down on him. Another day of being useless and unlovable had come to an end. Ron took a swig of his Firewhiskey -the second bottle for the night- and decided that tomorrow, _tomorrow_ he would try harder. Be better. Always try more, more, more. Never give up; he was a Gryffindor after all.

Maybe someday he would finally succeed and be normal. That kind of normal people liked. And maybe, just maybe he would find someone who loved him too.

_’But as long as I keep being this freak, it won’t happen’,_ he thought bitterly, blue empty eyes gazing back at him from the reflection in the window.

_It just wouldn’t._

_Fin_


End file.
